DISCLAIMER: This was written by the 16-year old girl inside me who still sleeps in her "I heart the Backstreet Boys" t-shirt... I take no responsibility for her writing...
Don’t judge me, but I was pretty excited for the VMA’s this year. Mostly because my favorite whore, Chelsea Handler was hosting, and if anyone was going to say inappropriate things on live TV, it was going to be her. I was also secretly excited for Kanye West’s night capping performance, where all the celebrity gossip rumors (which I deny reading) had concluded, Kanye was going to perform a new song that he had written specifically for Taylor Swift, as an apology of sorts. The anticipation of what he could possibly “perform” that would not only be a sufficient apology, but done so, WITHOUT being obnoxious and insincere, was titillating. Mr. West isn’t exactly known for big apologies; so to say that I was pretty skeptical about the reality of this "I'm sorry" song, would be an understatement.
Don’t get me wrong… I like Kanye West. He makes good music, and while his ego might be bigger than the entire western hemisphere, it’s usually positively directed in elaborate and entertaining live performances and/or tabloid antics. Sure, Kanye may be somewhat of a douche, but how many multi-millionaires do you know that aren’t, on occasion, "douchey?" Personally, I didn’t give two shits about the whole “Taylor Swift 2009 VMA acceptance award diss,” and I was kind of surprised that it ended up being such a ‘big deal.’ I mean, it wasn’t the smartest move he’d ever made, but it’s not like he bitch-slapped the girl and put her on a bus back to Oklahoma… er, Tennessee… er… whatever mid-western meth factory state she’s from.
Honestly, if Taylor Swift was actually legit, she would have cock punched Kayne with her moon man, snatched the mic back, told him to go fuck himself, and then made some kind of: “I’m sending you a ‘black hiphop bitches’ first douching kit after the show. You’ll get it in 5-7 business days… Time for you to clean some of that ‘I’m a HUGE ASSHOLE’ stench off the area where your balls used to be,” anger induced joke. But alas… Taylor Swift would have NEVER done something like that… Engineers at the “Build-a-Pop-star factory,” made the Taylor-bot much too timid and virginal to stand-up to the big black rapper. Plus, the record company that purchased Taylor-doll 2000, ordered a wholesome, non-confrontational robot.
Anywayzzz… a few weeks ago, the VMA's arrived, and I was pleasantly surprised. Chelsea Handler did a good job making people uncomfortable, Lady Gaga did a good job of maintaining her status as most insane and misunderstood popstar of 2010, and Aziz Ansari hilariously tied my two favorite things together, "The Jersey Shore" and outspoken black men, as he introduced Kanye for the final performance of the evening…
Ok... REAL TALK YO:
It wasn’t the greatest song ever, the performance wasn’t particularly thrilling, but the message... Oh the message was clear - KANYE IS A MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS! Maybe I’m easily impressed, or naïve to think his PR representation didn’t concoct the whole thing, but either way, my mind was blown. The last thing I thought Kanye would ever do, is call himself out. I mean, a few years ago, this guy was declaring himself the next Jesus!!! THE NEXT FUCKING JESUS!!! HELLO CRAZYTOWN?!?!? Not in a million years did I ever expect Mr. West to cough up a legit apology, and then perform a song about how we’ve “been putting up with his shit for way too long.” It was too much for my little brain to handle… I couldn’t believe Kayne had just performed a song shedding himself in a negative light! IT’S FUCKING GENIUS! Not only has he shown a thread of humility and gained even more fans in doing so, he’s also going to make millions of dollars from it! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
He's a marketing wetdream...
love you mean it.
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