This time however... I have a legit excuse as to why my blog entries have become so sparse....
*Drum Roll Please*
I MOVED TO AUSTIN, TX!
Not only did I move to Austin, Tx, but I fucking drove there
from California... San Francisco, California no less. For the record,
that's a motherfucking long-ass drive. I would NOT recommend driving
that far, unless you're really into road-trips. I am only 'minorly'
into road-trips, and this particular one made me appreciate the
invention of "the plane," in ways you can't imagine.
Planes are fucking bad-ass. Thousands of miles can be traveled
in mere hours. Oceans crossed in the span of a nap; all while floating
through the atmosphere in a giant metal bird. I want my own plane! That
would be sick, but it would also make me SUUUUUPER lazy. I would travel
by plane everywhere... To the grocery store... To the the fancy dress
store... To the liquor store... To pretty much any and all places I
frequent, I would no doubt use the plane as my main source of transportation...
"Hmm... 10 minutes to CVS by car... OR 30 SECONDS BY PLANE!?!?"
Saving 9.5 minutes several times a day would add up, let me
tell you. I could accumulate whole years of what would have been wasted
driving time, if I only used my plane. I guess the obvious problem with
this newfangled idea of mine, would be, where would I park my plane?
I've thought about it, and decided that I just wouldn't park it. The logical solution to this conundrum would obviously be, to circle above whatever store I needed to go to, and propel
out of the plane via a rope and harness. Once my shopping was complete,
I would belay myself back on board, and be off to my next destination.
I know what you're thinking: "Wow Bridgette, you have it all figured out!"
I know, and it's true... Sometimes I'm such a genius, I blow my
own mind. I bet Jay Leno feels the same way right now... I bet Jay Leno
has a plane too! Fuck, I need to find Jay Leno and become his biggest
fan and maybe he'll give me his plane so all my wildest dreams will
come true. I think he only has like 3 fans left anyway, so being #1
shouldn't be too difficult.
Move over Kanye... There's a new douche in town!
love you mean it.
I've made that drive too many times. I just drove from SF to Dallas a month ago then drove to LA two weeks later then drove back up to SF. Mind you all of these drives were done straight.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, it makes you love the Wright Brothers.
I still would prefer a jet pack or fighter jet over a plane though.
I drive the whopping 500 mile drive from Sonoma County to Orange County a few times a year and it consumes 8 hours of my life. A flight takes 45 minutes. But personally, I'm holding out for teleportation pads of some sort.
ReplyDeleteAlso, loved the comment on Leno. That dude needs to know when to hang it up. $800million should be good enough.