Welcome to my Life...

First blog entry… feels like too much pressure. Too much pressure to ask too many questions. What is this blog going to be about? Why am I writing it? Who is going to read it? Is that razor burn, or herpes?

I’ve spent the last decade or so, bullshitting my way through life. Excuses here, justifications over there, and half-truths stretched into cellophane. There was a time I would have told you I was proud of my seemingly natural ability to talk my way through a tunnel of lies paved with fragments of truth I chewed up and discarded along the way. There was a time when the veins of cynicism fueled my sarcastic rhetoric to near applause. A time when everything meant nothing and apathy ruled as king in the barren land where my heart should have been.
Did I mention that I was also doing a lot of coke?
Needless to say, these states of being that once made me proud, no longer hold such power. I look back on their moments of glory, and find shame where I once saw victory. That’s not to say my sarcastic rhetoric has been completely abandoned in this new light. Veins of sarcasm run deep within my very soul and will never be purged, not even the most grandiose epiphany could extradite the tiny cynic within.
If everything means nothing, that would mean I have nothing to say. And since I have a lot to say, you can see how that particular ‘life mantra’ wasn’t exactly applicable.
In a world so heavily laden with bullshit, that you basically need a snow shovel to dig your way to something real, I’ve decided that the best thing I can offer my generation of gotta-have-it-now-gimmie-gimmie-gimmie pupils, is honesty. I realize you’ll need to wipe the maple syrup off of that last statement, but once you do, I hope you’ll find the truth.

And isn’t that all we really want anyway? Something real, something true; something to make us of laugh, cry, and curse in the privacy of our own rooms? Something that gets under our skin not because it’s particularly profound, but because it’s real. Because if the names were changed, and the location were different, it could be your life dribbling down the screen in blurbs of Friday night catch-phrases, and “OMG you won’t believe what happened” antidotes.

We all deserve the truth. Whether it be from our family, our friends, ourselves, or some stranger a few thousand miles north of nowhere. I can’t promise I’ll always be rational, or funny, or intelligent, but I can promise to be honest… for the first time in the last 10 years I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me blog.

Ouch, all this Saccharin stained bullshit is starting to hurt my teeth.
Welcome to my life… Please remove your shoes.